no surf

I have been in a funk the last few days and I can only attribute it to lack of surf. it has been totally flat for more than a week, and I have only surfed once, in micro ankle slappers. When it gets like this, I always trip out. My dreams have been weird lately, like last night, Adrian's parents were over and his mom and dad were smoking in my house. Now what does that have to do with anything? Well, it is justa dream and you can't really think anything of them, nor can you control the outcome of them, although sometimes you do. lately I have been thinking about the past, and the things that I said and did in the past. Some say you should always look forward, and never look back, but oftentimes I find myself thinking alot about what my life was like 15-20 years ago and what it is like today. Yesterday I was over at my friend Mike's house and I made the mistake of saying he was 40 years old, and he really got on my case, "You can't add another year on me. I ain't yet 40," Exactly how he talks. But hey, I always thought he was older, but turns out not by a year. He was born in 67, like me and not 66, like I thought. he was just a year behind me in school but older by several months. Anyway, his wife is pregnant, and due in April, a month after jovi is due to give birth to our last child. I am trying to convince her to get a TL but she isn't quite interested yet, evn though I tell her that she is already going to be 40 when the baby comes out.

Am I ready for another baby? I am pushing 40, (well another year, My b-day is Oct. 23) can I keep up with another punk running around? I am hoping to god that I can be a better father than I am to the two punks that I have now. Fatherhood isn't a walk in the park. I can say though that I've been practicing for a long time and would like to think that I do good in the dad department, but sometimes I question if I am the best that I can be. Am I taking an active interest in their lives? Do I do my best? I try, but never have I gotten any feedback on how I've done. I just try to do the best for the situation at hand, and hope everything comes out the best. I also question lately if I am a good husband to my wife. that is another thing entirely. I try and do my best but sometimes I question myself, do I do the best I can? I don't know. It has been several days of confusion for me for all things going on in my life right now. I think about the what ifs, but know that the conclusions would always come back wrong, the what ifs, that is. I know what the outcome would have been when I got into it in the first place, and those are the reasons that I made the decision to quit. There is nothing like throwing something golden against a wall and having it bounce back in your face. Or blasting a bottle of Halston on a street in a rage. I am sorry for that.